When Someone You Love is Doing EMDR Therapy: A Guide for Neurodivergent Families

Supporting someone through trauma therapy

EMDR therapy can be incredibly powerful, but it can also feel intense. The person going through it might be tired, emotionally overwhelmed, reactive or flat after appointments. This can be confusing or distressing to witness, especially if you're close to them and want to help, but aren’t sure how.

If you're neurodivergent yourself, juggling your own sensory needs, stress load or burnout, offering support might feel even harder. You might find yourself wondering, What should I say? What do they need? Why is everything so unpredictable?

That’s why we've created a handout for families and support people. Clients shouldn’t have to carry the burden of explaining what’s happening when they’re already emotionally spent. This blog post builds on that resource. It offers a deeper look at what EMDR is, how it can affect someone and their household, and how you can help make the process smoother for everyone involved.

When everyone knows what to expect, there’s more space for compassion. And when someone feels supported at home, they can let go in session and truly heal.

1. EMDR isn’t “just talking” - it’s brain and body work!

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) therapy works by tapping into memory networks and reshaping them. This takes a large amount of internal energy. Even if someone doesn’t appear to have done much in a session, their brain and body have been working hard behind the scenes.

After a session, it is completely normal to feel tired, emotional, foggy or physically unwell. That doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong. It means the nervous system is actively rewiring.

Think of it like a minor surgery; you wouldn’t expect someone to run errands after a dental procedure, or hop on a Zoom call post-appendectomy. Let’s apply the same care to emotional healing.

2. Reactions will vary and that’s not a problem.

There is no universal scale for how people respond to trauma. Some people cry. Some feel irritable or flat. Some feel nothing at all. Others might experience physical symptoms like headaches, nausea or shakiness.

Having a plan can reduce the surprise if something does show up. You are not being overcautious by preparing. You are being kind.

3. Make an aftercare plan (just like physical recovery).

EMDR therapy days might need to be quieter, less demanding days. Could someone else do the school run? Can you prep an easy dinner or order in? Is there space for the person to rest afterwards?

Reducing sensory input can also help. Soften the lights, keep sound low, and offer comfort items like a favourite blanket or stim toy. If kids or housemates are around, a simple heads-up can make a difference:

“Hey, [Name] might be a bit quiet or need some space today after therapy. Nothing to worry about. Just letting you know so you’re not caught off guard.”

This isn’t about making excuses. It is about making space.

4. Be prepared for emotional shifts - and welcome them.

EMDR can bring up long-buried feelings. Someone might feel angry for the first time about something they used to blame themselves for. They might feel deep grief for the time lost to trauma symptoms.

This is a good sign, but it can feel messy and confusing.

You do not need to push for insights or emotional conversations. Just be there. Let them come to you in their own time.

5. Get support for you, too.

If you are witnessing the impact trauma has had on someone you care about, it can bring up shock, sadness or guilt. You might feel pressure to be the “strong one”, but you deserve support too.

Talk to someone if you need to. Your wellbeing matters just as much.

6. Not every session is the same.

One week, a person might come out of their session feeling energised. The next, they might feel completely drained. Fluctuations are normal. The healing path is not linear, and that is okay.

Try not to assume a pattern or track “progress” from session to session. Trust the process.

7. This is a season. Not forever.

Increased support needs during EMDR are usually temporary. Having a plan in place, and a mindset of “this too shall pass”, can help everyone stay grounded.

When EMDR therapy is working well, the person becomes more regulated, present and connected over time. It is hard work now for better days ahead.

8. If there’s tension, press pause, not panic.

Sometimes EMDR stirs things up. It can increase emotional sensitivity or lower someone's capacity for handling stress. Arguments might flare unexpectedly.

If this happens, try not to escalate. Step back, take space and revisit the conversation later when things have settled.

9. Expect recalibration - in them, and in you.

Healing often brings change. A person might start asserting boundaries, expressing new needs or responding differently to things that used to trigger them.

This can shift the dynamic in relationships, and that is okay. Allow time for everyone to adjust.

You might also notice things in yourself that need attention as the pattern begins to shift.

10. Protect time for connection.

Healing is not just about what happens in the therapy room. It is also about building a life that feels safe, nourishing and joyful.

Make time for activities that foster connection. Watch a show together. Share a meal. Sit in companionable silence. Small moments of joy can help co-regulate the whole household.

A Note for Neurodivergent Supporters

If you are also Autistic or ADHD, or both, supporting someone through EMDR might be an even bigger ask.

You may already be managing your own sensory needs, executive functioning challenges or past trauma. You might need predictability, low stimulation environments or boundaries to manage your energy.

You are allowed to need support and structure too.

It is okay to say:
“I want to support you, but I need a plan to do that in a way that is sustainable for me. Can we figure out a way I can help that works for both of us?”

You are not expected to be perfect.

In Summary

EMDR therapy is powerful, but it is not always easy. Feeling supported by family can help the person feel safer to do the work.

We hope this guide helps you feel more confident, informed and connected as you support your loved one through their EMDR journey. Your presence, patience and understanding can make a real difference.

Thank you for being part of their healing.